My friend Simone was in her second round of IVF and she was not talking about it much.
Not because she was hiding it. Because the talking had become exhausting. Every conversation turned into questions she did not have answers to. Every well-meaning person wanted updates on a timeline she could not control. Every expression of hope, genuine as it was, put pressure on an outcome that was uncertain and painful and entirely outside her hands.
She had told me early on, before the first round. She had sworn me to a low-pressure version of being informed, which I understood to mean: know what is happening, do not make it a thing.
I had been doing my best at that.
Her birthday fell in the middle of the second round. I thought about what she actually needed.
Not hope. She had plenty of hope and it was exhausting to carry. Not optimism. Not a reminder of what she was working toward. What she needed was a few hours of being herself and not her situation.
I booked a pottery class. Just the two of us. Something with her hands, something absorbing, something that required enough concentration that the other thing did not have room to come in.
I included a card that said: no questions. Just clay.
She called me when she got it.
She said: this is the only thing anyone has offered me that has nothing to do with any of it.
We went on a Saturday. She made a lopsided bowl and was extremely pleased with it. We talked about everything except the one thing. We laughed more than we had in months.
On the way home she said: I needed to remember I was a person who could just do something.
That is the gift. Not hope. Not comfort. The temporary, necessary relief of just being a person who does things.
Free · Takes 60 seconds
For someone in the middle of something hard and hopeful and out of their control. Nothing that references the situation. Things that give them back themselves for a little while.
A Pottery or Ceramics Class — Something for the Hands
Under 80See Price →A Novel That Absorbs You Completely for Days
Under 18See Price →A Real Spa Day — Not a Gift Set, an Actual Appointment
Under $100See Price →A Weighted Blanket for the Hard Days on the Couch
Under 65See Price →A Gentle Herbal Tea Collection — For the In-Between Hours
Under 28See Price →A Streaming Gift Card — Because Some Nights Need Good TV
Under $25See Price →Describe your friend to the quiz. Who she is when she is not in the middle of this. What she loves. What makes her feel like herself. That is where the right gift is.
Answer 8 quick questions and get 10 gift ideas
personalized for the person you're shopping for
Free · No signup